I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
