I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
