the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
