I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
