she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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