We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
