There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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