frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
