I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
