4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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