Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
