At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Found the puke drawer
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
