CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
