i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
