so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
