life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
