Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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