The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
wow bdsm is so cute
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
