We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize