I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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