You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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