I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
sex in a hospital.. check
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Randomize