I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Umm I'm too high to move.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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