oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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