So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
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