i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
