Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
