I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
