im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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