I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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