I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm getting married
To pizza
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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