I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
