Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
