In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
