I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
