I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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