In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i would punch a child for taco bell
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Just cropdusted the office
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
