just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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