I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
