i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
