My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
