Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
