i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
