Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
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