When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize
