I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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