Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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