Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
