I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
