My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Where did you get a picture of my penis
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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