omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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