Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
