dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
