It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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