he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
