So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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