I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
