it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
