I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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