You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize