i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
