It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
