My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
