I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Is this like a preordered booty call?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
