Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I need a burrito and a hug.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
