gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
