You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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