TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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