i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
