I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
