Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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