you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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