Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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