I just threw up on my dentist
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
