all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
