im gay
i know
yea but for you.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
