It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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