carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
